recycle

recycling is good. it makes us appreciate the things we used and currently have for the sake of the future. at the same time, it makes us try the very best to preserve the environment. one way, ditch the car. take the public transport (sadly, still not the best possible way to commute in msia). another way, say NO to plastic bags. bring your own bags when groceries shopping or other related matters.

recyling does not only meant by collecting empty bottles and cans. we can also recycle by re-using the things we actually have. i've started digging up for old stuff, mostly my mom's and grandma's and managed to find some vintage gear, which are superb. they are still in immaculate conditions and i'm actually impress with them since they can still be used and some of them are the things that i can't afford to buy new. cool, huh?

btw, i've found this video on how to be happy: science has answers. really cool video and great tips on how to be happy. do check it out!

battle

the baby sister is still in the battle. the ct scan result is still not out. still waiting for it, anxiously. it's so depressing seeing a 16 year-old girl undergo chemo sessions religously. that's why the big sis is so proud of her. be patient, i know u can do it. u go girl!

anyhow, the big sis and the rest of the clan have taken desperate measures. stop smoking, secondary that is :P. avoid the junk food, but still taking them every now and then though (can't seems to quit, hehehe...). and most importantly, put the guard on to avoid germs, viruses and other potential baddies. shield up!

*little sis, big sis

truth

apparently, someone was kind enough to forward my previous entry on lost to the whole world. i realized i'm a nobody. it's none of my business what some people do with their life. but it was merely my own personal subjective view.

it's so unbelievable that some people can be so immature. that's just unprofessional. i understand my action wasn't either. but no name was ever mentioned. only those who actually the "some people" will get it. was it my fault? i don't think so. just like a malay proverb: siapa makan cili, dia terasa pedasnya, ain't it? truth hurts, rite?

and yeah. youtubing and playing games are part of the job description. i totally forgot!

a piece of advice: GROW UP! this is not a high school. so what if people hated me. i'm NOT trying to win a popularity contest here. but i never meant to hurt anyone, any intention to boast myself or let alone making enemies. i'm just doing my job. i wish others will do theirs too. i just wish people will take responsibility for what they are meant to.

remember, what goes around comes around. i learned it the hard way. so think, deep. u can trust no one. the one u called friend can be ur worst nemesis. they can stab u at back without u realising it. just a friendly reminder to us all, again.

reminisce

it almost christmas. i've been reminiscing the old days. the happiest times of my life when i was away. wish i could turn back time. i miss the christmas shopping, boxing day shopping more like it :P. i miss the weather. i miss the people. and most importantly, i miss my old self, hahaha!!! a cheerful, adventurous and stress-free girl ;). but what in the past stays in the past. i have to move on and look forward for the future. they are more exciting, aren't they? *grin*

nway, i just wish for once to be happy. the best time of my life has gone in the dust. people from the past came to "visit" and left again. some came to ask for forgiveness. and some came to make my day worse. what i did? nothing. i ignored them. easy, right?

*suddenly feel like eating sushi now. haven't had them for months :P.

lost

seems like i'm lost. lost hope. lost respect. thank god the faith is still with me :)

some people. they think having a job means they will get their pay at the end of the month without having to do anything to earn it. allow me to describe a daily schedule of some people and bear in mind office hours is 8.30am-5.30pm and lunch break is from 1-2pm...

almost 9am: just reached the office
9.00am: breakfast time
9.30am: got back to the office. switch on their pc/notebooks
9.35am: chatting while waiting for the pc/notebooks to switch on
10.00am: only about to start doing their work or prolly doing some internet surfing
10.30am: break for a fag
10.45am: back at their workstation
11.30am: another cigarette break
12.30pm: lunch break
2.30pm: back from lunch break
3.00pm: cigarette break
4.00pm: tea time or lounging time
5.00pm: time to go home!

how ridiculous it may sounds, that's the familiar images right here at my office, which made yours truly ended up doing all their tasks. and that's why this superwoman is sick now. fully loaded with kryptonite :P

enough

enough match-making already. family n friends are trying to hook me up with their mates. but all ended up in the dust. most peeps said i'm being choosy. i am not. maybe i'm just not ready. the most important thing is the guy has to be SINGLE & unattached, kind-hearted, funny and charming. can please me without making me annoyed. all the new guys i've met weren't like that. that was the problem. they kept making me felt miserable and disgusted. one bored me out, one a jealous freak and one liked to boast himself as if he's all that. another one always made bad, offensive jokes, one is a stalker and one guy, the one that i hated the most, was a perv. you can't imagine what this guy tried to do on our first day out. it was a disastrous.
anyhow, i'm begging to those who plans to match-make me with anyone, please, oh dear please, find me someone decent. no more the like of freaks and losers. or else, just leave me alone :p or at least try to make sure that guy fits into this charateristics:

1. born between year 1979 and 1982
2. minimum height is 1.7m or at least 5'5"
3. fit but no muscly bits
4. non-smoker and non-drinker
5. pray 5 times a day without delay

not choosy, huh? hahaha!!!

calling

this week i've encountered a couple of things that are related to the calling. the first would be the island breakaway. me and my colleagues just came back from pulau pemanggil, which literally means the "caller island". it was cool. the island is somewhat a virgin island but not so virgin. u know what i meant, rite? :p. it doesn't have that full facilities just like what they have in redang. i quite like that. can still feel the authenticity of an actual island. however, i would say that redang is much more exquisite and better in terms of the coral, the sea and the beach. at pemanggil, especially at where we stayed, there was no beach. my dreams of laying on a lounge chair at the beach still not being fulfilled. well, maybe i just need to ask someone to plan another getaway at another island for me *grin*. start saving up now!

the second thing would be the passing of a friend of my mates. she passed away a couple of days ago. it was so unfortunate for her and the family. she only knew she was sick only a few weeks ago and what suprised us all is that she has a very critical illness and it was actually at the final stage! knowing that you have one of the most feared disease will definitely shocked you, let alone knowing that you only have a few days to live. this event has definitely made us all think how fortunate for us to be able to still breathe the air and and to have the chance to rectify all the wrong things that we have done in our life. in addition, we need to be extra careful in what we eat and do in our everyday life. take extra cautious. remember, put on sunblock. not to stay fair, but to avoid the harmful uv rays, which can lead to skin cancer... *can't believe i can write something this serious :P*

*me and my mates

enemy

i couldn't figure out why the person who used to be my best friend suddenly acted weird as if i were his enemy. it has been over 2 months since the last time we've chatted. and to my suprise, he didn't even say hi to me when i went to his house meeting his sister today. it's like we had never known each other. we've been friends for nearly 10 years for crying out loud. he kinda told me that he has a girlfriend now but give me a break, man! you shouldn't break a friendship just because of a girl. even though eventually you gonna marry that girl and i know this friendship had its ups and downs, but this is just not right.

anyhow, who am i to complain? i'm a nobody. though, i'm still glad for the happy times i had with him. and now, i feel blessed to have the friends who are always there for me. who can cheer me up when i'm down. unfortunate in love but lucky in life. that's more important, ain't it? *wink*wink*

ryan

the travel back to kl from kb was such an adventurous one and yet ryan had been such a doll today. why? u ask. this time around, i took gua musang route since there weren't a lot of traffic on the road. when we were in pahang, my mom told me to take the alternative route since it should be clearer and no traffic lights. so, since i'm not really in the condition to drive (really was sleepy, thank god nothing happened), i just followed my mom's instruction without realising that the fuel is almost gone. i only noticed it once the light started to blink, which means the tank only left approximately 3 or 6 litres (can't remember :P) of petrol, which is roughly 30-60km depends on how fast you go. i was like, "oh my god! where on earth can i find a petrol pump in the middle of nowhere". i was freaking out a bit. the only way i can do was switching off the air conditioner to save some fuel before i can find any gas station. we were sweating like pigs but we had no choice :(.

the meter has read 50km since the light started to blink and we were still 30km away from the next r&r. i said to myself there's no way i'm gonna push ryan in the middle of the highway. to make things worse, the highway is a hilly one. really scared that ryan can't make it. i drove on the emergency lane. and drove less than 60km/h and even slower than those trucks and buses, hehehe...

it was another 200m left when ryan started to slow down. oh, please ryan. don't do this now. i kept praying that we can make it to the petrol pump in time without any embarassment. my wish came true. we made it just in the nick of time. oh, how much i love you ryan ;).

btw, to those who still didn't get it, ryan is my trustworthy myvi. the ever cute black mini mpv. the one and only bf i have, at the mo *wink*wink*. love you to bits!

impress

am really impress with myself. i didn't spend anything for my raya attire. not even a single cent. but i still managed to look really cool during eid. it's something, huh? *grin*. as i mentioned before, i'm not a big fan of baju kurung/kebaya. let alone wearing them. but since it's eid celebration, obviously i have to allow myself to wear them, rite? thank god that i have some baju kebayas, which are still hanging in my closet, untouched.

btw, eid celebration this year wasn't that happening compared to last year. this was because some of my relatives didn't come back to kelantan as this year is the year they are celebrating eid at their spouses' hometown. although, eid this year can still be considered as one of the OK years. to add, i think i'm getting fatter now. please, please stop serving those delectable raya dishes. need to start reducing the food intake! oh so i wish, hehehe...

*with my brothers, sisters & cousins

record

i've broke my own record, in driving that is. never before i've drove over 8 hours, straight! the longest i've done before was 5 hours. today, i managed to drive to kota bharu by myself, all the way from kl accompanied by my mom and 2 little sisters. it has been a brand new experience for me. exhausting but finally now i know how my dad felt when we were little. it has always been him that drove everytime we went back to kb (my mom drove whenever my dad needed the rest). it must have been worse. u know kids, can't sit still in the car. especially yours truly, hehehe... got car sick everytime travelling by car. that's why i always travelled by air if going back to kb. but now, since i've own a car, i have to be the driver *whateva* :P

so nway, we departed from kl at 7.30am (ish). thank god i'm a morning person. it'll prolly gonna be hard for me to stay awake if i weren't :P. the road was a bit clear, than what we've expected. planned to follow gua musang route. but looking at the high traffic at exit to raub, we've followed the route via kuantan. well, based on experience (comparing to last year), i would say, i'd prefer the latter. a bit expensive though since have to pay toll and the route is farther, but eventually u'll reach the destination stress-free ;). all i need now is a full body massage. the masseur is waiting for me downstairs. later, dude ;)

pending

can't seem to find the time to finish up my work. i can't even seem to find the time to have a proper good night sleep. this month, my days has always been like: woke up at 5am. brush my teeth. sahur. shower. pray. go to work at 6.30am. arrived at the ofc roughly at 7.15am. work till 5 something something. afterwards, it's either went home or broke fast somewhere with mates. arrived home at 10pm. straight to bed. didn't changed to my pj and didn't even took off my lenses & my make-up. bad habit, i know. the dozen newly appeared zits on my face have made me think twice of continuing this nasty routine, hehehe...

back to the subject, i have a lot of pending stuff in my hands. few bills haven't been paid. the breakaway next month haven't been fully planned. baju raya, didn't have time to make a new one. i'll prolly just recycle my grandma's baju, again. i don't mind really. she has a lot of kick-ass, original and cool design clothings. she was a designer back then, when she was younger. she designed most of her attire and sewn some of her own gear. it runs in the blood, by the way hehehe... or maybe, i'll prolly just wear what i have, which i haven't worn during raya. it's such a waste to make a new one, especially for me since i'm NOT a fan of baju kurung, at all! not a pure malay, huh? never have been one, to be honest... guilty! *grin*

*this is what i wore last year: my grandma's classic modern baju kurung ;)

quit

i've quit trying. can't do it anymore. was so miserable. was not comfortable, not a bit. tried so hard but sadly to say i just can't handle this any longer. and i don't want to lie. i've promised to myself that i won't lie anymore. cos by lying i've lost someone that i truly love, the one that i adore with all my heart. it just so unfortunate that this happened. maybe it just not meant to be.

so nway, it felt so good. now i'm not confuse anymore. great, isn't it? *wink*wink*.

friends

friends, they are precious. never take them for granted. no matter what happened, friends are still part of your life. they are always there when you need them. happy or sad moments. friends are the best place for you to share everything. it's true friends come and go. but the memories you share with them remains.

still, there are times where friends can be your enemy. the backstabbers. the cheaters. they can make the worst of you. that's certainly can't be avoided. humans make mistakes. whatever happened, friends are still friends. they can be your worst nightmare. but they gave you the perfect dreams. it's true, isn't it? no matter how cliche it may sounds.

cherish the best moments you have with them. same goes to me. i've been taking friends for granted for quite sometime. i thought being alone is the best idea. it's most definitely not. for the last few weeks, i've started spending a few great quality time with some friends. new and old. it was great. it's the best moments i had since i can remember. i had a good laugh with them. really appreciate the effort. thanks friends.

choose

people say u need to choose someone who loves u instead of someone that u love. but what if u don't have a slight feeling to the person who love u to death? would it be the best idea to accept that certain someone just because he loves u? what about our feelings? would it be fair to us? it wouldn't, rite?

i still don't have the answers. i understand the reason being for the statement was that along the way, u would definitely fell for the person who loves u. obviously he will do just about anything to win ur heart. but what if the feelings gone by the time u've opened up to him. at that time u will most definitely have fallen for him, after all the great stuff n gestures he made. what if he found someone else and dump u? it scares the hell out of me. i fear the heart will be shattered and broken again. oh GOD, please help!

twenty-seven

becoming twenty-seven is so not what i look forward to. why, u ask? hmmm... plenty of reasons. namely, things didn't work out to the way that i've planned. it was the same remark i made on my birthday last year. it reminded me to digi's latest advert: lightning doesn't strike twice. a big AS IF! but, i supposed things happened for a well good reason. maybe the 2 unfortunate events occured were to remind me that there is someone much much better for me out there. just waiting for me to be ready to open up to him. it could be it, rite?

again, i really am thankful to the peeps around me. they have helped me to become the way i am today: older and most importantly, wiser *wink*wink*.

*the birthday cake, the ever fattening choc brownies :P

spontaneous

just got back from an unplanned mini vacation with some of my old buddies from melawati. we were actually attending my cousin's wedding at chemor. after the wedding, one couple from the group were suggesting that we might as well go to cameron highlands since we're in perak. to my suprise, some of us were like, "yeah, why not!" and that includes me, hehehe... there were 9 of us, btw. after i've sort some family matters out, me & one of my friends were on our way to the highlands, while the rest have reached there and enjoying themselves in the cold weather.

*the clan of melawati

exhausted, but really glad that i went through with this spontaneous idea. at least, i've got to eat tonnes of my most favourite fruit - strawberries. heaven! only lack of white & smooth thick cream. or else, it'll be a total indulgence *wink*wink*

so nway, couple of things i've learned this weekend:

1. 
   
   great things happened unexpectedly.
2. 
   
   what we can't share with new friends: childhood memories.

confuse

little miss confuse. that's what i am right now. don't know whether he's the one. or should i wait for a different guy to come knocking the door of my heart? until when? i'm not getting any younger. even though it doesn't really show physically :P, but biologically yes. the clock is ticking like mad, hehehe...

i've shut my heart ages ago. i fear that once i open it, it'll take forever to close if anything happened. i'm not ready. i don't want to be heartbroken again. it hurts like hell. only god knows the pain.

what should i do? i don't want to make the same mistake again. this is not the second time but it's the millionth time. i have to admit. i'm a sucker for a sweet talker. not good, isn't it? have to stop. well, i guess i just have to wait. can't rush. go with the flow. that's what i need to do.

awkward

have u ever been in an awkward situation where u wish u were someone else or u're wearing a mask when it happened? so happen i was in that kind of situation on my way back home today.

u know in the lrt, where there's these 1st class seats (the normal seats) and the 2nd class seats (not exactly seats but the wall where u can actually lean on so u won't be too tired to stand). nway, i was so unfortunate to be in a well-packed coach. this gentleman was trying to be nice to me. he was standing at the wall and seeing me barely standing straight, he offered me to swap places with him. right after i leaned at the wall, people were rushing into the train. to make it worse, that guy was pushed and he almost flatten me at the back. thankfully he was facing the other way round. it will be a series of unfortunate events if only he had stood facing me. but it did looked odd, as if i was hugging him :P. and along the way, there was a long silent and awkward moment until he reached his destination.

ended

the long-awaited vacation has ended. i'm now back in town. back to the normal routine. and sadly, i'm back in the office :(.

"how was ur holiday?", some peeps asked. it was great. but should have been way better. why? the modernisation killed the authenticity. money-sucking realtors made the island lost it's originality. prolly i've expected so much from a local island. prolly not. my expectation was merely simple - drinking icy cold coconut with a picturesque view while sitting in a hut or lying on a beach lounge chair. that's it.

but, the mass development at redang ruined the experience. it has now became nothing less than a typical tourists' spot, which i might add as a waste of money and time travelling all the way up there from kl. but, what the heck. at least, i've settled my desideration of going to the beach or an island, which i haven't done so for nearly 10 years :P. and plus, i've got to snorkel, thanks to my uncle n cousin *wink*wink* .

*me and my trustworthy cam ;)