breakaway

just got back from a vacation with my little sisters. this time around it was outside msia that i haven't done for nearly 2 years. the place was jakarta, indonesia. it was somewhat great apart from the traffic in the city, which was way beyond unbelievable. the locals simply use the horn just like we use the signal to alert the other road users. a piece of advise: if you're an acousticophobic or simply short-tempered, please be extra precautious. or else...

nway, the great thing about being in indonesia is that your money stretches like no one's business, hehehe... we've spent like we've won a lottery. services are so cheap. taxi ride was just like a bus ride in msia. the downside of it is that designer stuff is still expensive. more expensive than that in msia, that is. whatever it is, i will still consider another trip to indonesia but most definitely not to jakarta. will try bali or bandung for the next round of vacation to the country.

and... i can't wait for my next holiday in november or sooner *wink*wink*.

*in a bajaj, just after touchdown at jakarta

love

love. what is love? it can be a beautiful experience. it can be hurtful. it can be an unbearable feeling. it all depends on how u see and perceive it. love is so unpredictable and the turnout can be somewhat unexpected. why? because of love, a devil can change and become an angel and because of love an angel can become a devil. we never know what will happen until we've fell in love... until we acted foolishly and until we've become someone not us...

true love comes from the heart. heart is one delicate tool. once it's touched, it'll take ages to forget. and once it's broken, it'll take forever to mend. be careful with it. don't ever fool with someone else's heart. it hurts.

p/s: i've always love this quotation taken from the movie love story: "love means never having to say you're sorry"

cook

believe it or not, i have not cooked a proper meal for nearly 2 whole years. yup, it's 23 months and 23 days to be exact. something that is so true but i'm not proud of :P

to be honest, cooking is my least favourite thing to do. on the contrary, i enjoyed doing it especially knowing that your meal made someone else's day. however, i would put baking on the top of the list, still. i've baked the loveliest chocolate cake ever, as quoted by my mates that is *wink*wink*

*the gorgeous chocolate cake prepared by moi ;)

my most favourite home-made dishes would be lasagne and tiramisu: italian by origin but perfected by malaysian, hehehe... since i'm back here, i have not been able to recreate the magic. reasons being: firstly, there aren't any proper utensils available at my mom's place. secondly and the most important factor would be the cost of the raw materials, which is way beyond unbelievable. imagine a pot of mascarpone cheese that only cost 1 pound in the uk would cost rm24 right here in msia, which is roughly 4 times more expensive. that's ridiculous, ain't it? so, that's why i've put a pause to my cooking and baking skills and really hoping it won't get rusty when i have to put my chef hat on again when the time comes, hehehe...

craving

i have always been a sweet tooth. a huge one, to be honest, hehehe... i love chocolates. i love desserts and i love anything sweet.

nway, i've been craving for some chocolates lately. but can't seem to find the time to search for good ones. and to make things worse, i can't even find one of my fave cadbury chocs - crunchie these days. what happened to good old pure chocs? i wonder...

suprised! that's the right word. a friend of mine unexpectedly bought me a lompat tikam, a traditional kelantanese dessert, which i love so much and been craving for quite some time. it consists of red sticky rice, green pandan custard, white thick coconut cream and black gula melaka (brown sugar). yeah, it's colourful and it tastes heavenly. i absolutely adore it. thanks, mate. it was so sweet of you. i love it to bits and i owe you big time *wink*wink*

assume

read between the lines. then you'll understand the whole story. but still, that wasn't always the case. sometimes, when laziness struck, we always skipped and went straight to the exciting scenes. and ignoring the less exciting but can actually be the most important parts. in the end, what we thought that's the way the story goes isn't the actual fact all along. no point regretting it now, rite?

we always assume the typicality. including yours truly, as guilty as charged :P. maybe we've got it from experience. or maybe we're just being plain stubborn, hehehe... everybody/thing deserve second chances, no matter how old-fashioned, lame or pathetic it may seems.

new

new year, new me. oh, so i wish... a more confident, more outspoken, more vibrant and more colourful me. can i? we'll just have to wait and see, won't we? hehehe...

but still, meeting someone new is rather frightening and difficult. not because i'm not ready. prolly because i'm scared. prolly because i think it's just a joke. i don't want to waste my time. and i'm not strong enough to take the risk. but whatever it is, i will still go with the flow *wink*wink*.

nway, happy new year to all. wishing and hoping all of us will be blessed with good fortune and luck!

recycle

recycling is good. it makes us appreciate the things we used and currently have for the sake of the future. at the same time, it makes us try the very best to preserve the environment. one way, ditch the car. take the public transport (sadly, still not the best possible way to commute in msia). another way, say NO to plastic bags. bring your own bags when groceries shopping or other related matters.

recyling does not only meant by collecting empty bottles and cans. we can also recycle by re-using the things we actually have. i've started digging up for old stuff, mostly my mom's and grandma's and managed to find some vintage gear, which are superb. they are still in immaculate conditions and i'm actually impress with them since they can still be used and some of them are the things that i can't afford to buy new. cool, huh?

btw, i've found this video on how to be happy: science has answers. really cool video and great tips on how to be happy. do check it out!

battle

the baby sister is still in the battle. the ct scan result is still not out. still waiting for it, anxiously. it's so depressing seeing a 16 year-old girl undergo chemo sessions religously. that's why the big sis is so proud of her. be patient, i know u can do it. u go girl!

anyhow, the big sis and the rest of the clan have taken desperate measures. stop smoking, secondary that is :P. avoid the junk food, but still taking them every now and then though (can't seems to quit, hehehe...). and most importantly, put the guard on to avoid germs, viruses and other potential baddies. shield up!

*little sis, big sis

truth

apparently, someone was kind enough to forward my previous entry on lost to the whole world. i realized i'm a nobody. it's none of my business what some people do with their life. but it was merely my own personal subjective view.

it's so unbelievable that some people can be so immature. that's just unprofessional. i understand my action wasn't either. but no name was ever mentioned. only those who actually the "some people" will get it. was it my fault? i don't think so. just like a malay proverb: siapa makan cili, dia terasa pedasnya, ain't it? truth hurts, rite?

and yeah. youtubing and playing games are part of the job description. i totally forgot!

a piece of advice: GROW UP! this is not a high school. so what if people hated me. i'm NOT trying to win a popularity contest here. but i never meant to hurt anyone, any intention to boast myself or let alone making enemies. i'm just doing my job. i wish others will do theirs too. i just wish people will take responsibility for what they are meant to.

remember, what goes around comes around. i learned it the hard way. so think, deep. u can trust no one. the one u called friend can be ur worst nemesis. they can stab u at back without u realising it. just a friendly reminder to us all, again.

reminisce

it almost christmas. i've been reminiscing the old days. the happiest times of my life when i was away. wish i could turn back time. i miss the christmas shopping, boxing day shopping more like it :P. i miss the weather. i miss the people. and most importantly, i miss my old self, hahaha!!! a cheerful, adventurous and stress-free girl ;). but what in the past stays in the past. i have to move on and look forward for the future. they are more exciting, aren't they? *grin*

nway, i just wish for once to be happy. the best time of my life has gone in the dust. people from the past came to "visit" and left again. some came to ask for forgiveness. and some came to make my day worse. what i did? nothing. i ignored them. easy, right?

*suddenly feel like eating sushi now. haven't had them for months :P.

lost

seems like i'm lost. lost hope. lost respect. thank god the faith is still with me :)

some people. they think having a job means they will get their pay at the end of the month without having to do anything to earn it. allow me to describe a daily schedule of some people and bear in mind office hours is 8.30am-5.30pm and lunch break is from 1-2pm...

almost 9am: just reached the office
9.00am: breakfast time
9.30am: got back to the office. switch on their pc/notebooks
9.35am: chatting while waiting for the pc/notebooks to switch on
10.00am: only about to start doing their work or prolly doing some internet surfing
10.30am: break for a fag
10.45am: back at their workstation
11.30am: another cigarette break
12.30pm: lunch break
2.30pm: back from lunch break
3.00pm: cigarette break
4.00pm: tea time or lounging time
5.00pm: time to go home!

how ridiculous it may sounds, that's the familiar images right here at my office, which made yours truly ended up doing all their tasks. and that's why this superwoman is sick now. fully loaded with kryptonite :P

enough

enough match-making already. family n friends are trying to hook me up with their mates. but all ended up in the dust. most peeps said i'm being choosy. i am not. maybe i'm just not ready. the most important thing is the guy has to be SINGLE & unattached, kind-hearted, funny and charming. can please me without making me annoyed. all the new guys i've met weren't like that. that was the problem. they kept making me felt miserable and disgusted. one bored me out, one a jealous freak and one liked to boast himself as if he's all that. another one always made bad, offensive jokes, one is a stalker and one guy, the one that i hated the most, was a perv. you can't imagine what this guy tried to do on our first day out. it was a disastrous.
anyhow, i'm begging to those who plans to match-make me with anyone, please, oh dear please, find me someone decent. no more the like of freaks and losers. or else, just leave me alone :p or at least try to make sure that guy fits into this charateristics:

1. born between year 1979 and 1982
2. minimum height is 1.7m or at least 5'5"
3. fit but no muscly bits
4. non-smoker and non-drinker
5. pray 5 times a day without delay

not choosy, huh? hahaha!!!

calling

this week i've encountered a couple of things that are related to the calling. the first would be the island breakaway. me and my colleagues just came back from pulau pemanggil, which literally means the "caller island". it was cool. the island is somewhat a virgin island but not so virgin. u know what i meant, rite? :p. it doesn't have that full facilities just like what they have in redang. i quite like that. can still feel the authenticity of an actual island. however, i would say that redang is much more exquisite and better in terms of the coral, the sea and the beach. at pemanggil, especially at where we stayed, there was no beach. my dreams of laying on a lounge chair at the beach still not being fulfilled. well, maybe i just need to ask someone to plan another getaway at another island for me *grin*. start saving up now!

the second thing would be the passing of a friend of my mates. she passed away a couple of days ago. it was so unfortunate for her and the family. she only knew she was sick only a few weeks ago and what suprised us all is that she has a very critical illness and it was actually at the final stage! knowing that you have one of the most feared disease will definitely shocked you, let alone knowing that you only have a few days to live. this event has definitely made us all think how fortunate for us to be able to still breathe the air and and to have the chance to rectify all the wrong things that we have done in our life. in addition, we need to be extra careful in what we eat and do in our everyday life. take extra cautious. remember, put on sunblock. not to stay fair, but to avoid the harmful uv rays, which can lead to skin cancer... *can't believe i can write something this serious :P*

*me and my mates

enemy

i couldn't figure out why the person who used to be my best friend suddenly acted weird as if i were his enemy. it has been over 2 months since the last time we've chatted. and to my suprise, he didn't even say hi to me when i went to his house meeting his sister today. it's like we had never known each other. we've been friends for nearly 10 years for crying out loud. he kinda told me that he has a girlfriend now but give me a break, man! you shouldn't break a friendship just because of a girl. even though eventually you gonna marry that girl and i know this friendship had its ups and downs, but this is just not right.

anyhow, who am i to complain? i'm a nobody. though, i'm still glad for the happy times i had with him. and now, i feel blessed to have the friends who are always there for me. who can cheer me up when i'm down. unfortunate in love but lucky in life. that's more important, ain't it? *wink*wink*

ryan

the travel back to kl from kb was such an adventurous one and yet ryan had been such a doll today. why? u ask. this time around, i took gua musang route since there weren't a lot of traffic on the road. when we were in pahang, my mom told me to take the alternative route since it should be clearer and no traffic lights. so, since i'm not really in the condition to drive (really was sleepy, thank god nothing happened), i just followed my mom's instruction without realising that the fuel is almost gone. i only noticed it once the light started to blink, which means the tank only left approximately 3 or 6 litres (can't remember :P) of petrol, which is roughly 30-60km depends on how fast you go. i was like, "oh my god! where on earth can i find a petrol pump in the middle of nowhere". i was freaking out a bit. the only way i can do was switching off the air conditioner to save some fuel before i can find any gas station. we were sweating like pigs but we had no choice :(.

the meter has read 50km since the light started to blink and we were still 30km away from the next r&r. i said to myself there's no way i'm gonna push ryan in the middle of the highway. to make things worse, the highway is a hilly one. really scared that ryan can't make it. i drove on the emergency lane. and drove less than 60km/h and even slower than those trucks and buses, hehehe...

it was another 200m left when ryan started to slow down. oh, please ryan. don't do this now. i kept praying that we can make it to the petrol pump in time without any embarassment. my wish came true. we made it just in the nick of time. oh, how much i love you ryan ;).

btw, to those who still didn't get it, ryan is my trustworthy myvi. the ever cute black mini mpv. the one and only bf i have, at the mo *wink*wink*. love you to bits!

impress

am really impress with myself. i didn't spend anything for my raya attire. not even a single cent. but i still managed to look really cool during eid. it's something, huh? *grin*. as i mentioned before, i'm not a big fan of baju kurung/kebaya. let alone wearing them. but since it's eid celebration, obviously i have to allow myself to wear them, rite? thank god that i have some baju kebayas, which are still hanging in my closet, untouched.

btw, eid celebration this year wasn't that happening compared to last year. this was because some of my relatives didn't come back to kelantan as this year is the year they are celebrating eid at their spouses' hometown. although, eid this year can still be considered as one of the OK years. to add, i think i'm getting fatter now. please, please stop serving those delectable raya dishes. need to start reducing the food intake! oh so i wish, hehehe...

*with my brothers, sisters & cousins

record

i've broke my own record, in driving that is. never before i've drove over 8 hours, straight! the longest i've done before was 5 hours. today, i managed to drive to kota bharu by myself, all the way from kl accompanied by my mom and 2 little sisters. it has been a brand new experience for me. exhausting but finally now i know how my dad felt when we were little. it has always been him that drove everytime we went back to kb (my mom drove whenever my dad needed the rest). it must have been worse. u know kids, can't sit still in the car. especially yours truly, hehehe... got car sick everytime travelling by car. that's why i always travelled by air if going back to kb. but now, since i've own a car, i have to be the driver *whateva* :P

so nway, we departed from kl at 7.30am (ish). thank god i'm a morning person. it'll prolly gonna be hard for me to stay awake if i weren't :P. the road was a bit clear, than what we've expected. planned to follow gua musang route. but looking at the high traffic at exit to raub, we've followed the route via kuantan. well, based on experience (comparing to last year), i would say, i'd prefer the latter. a bit expensive though since have to pay toll and the route is farther, but eventually u'll reach the destination stress-free ;). all i need now is a full body massage. the masseur is waiting for me downstairs. later, dude ;)

pending

can't seem to find the time to finish up my work. i can't even seem to find the time to have a proper good night sleep. this month, my days has always been like: woke up at 5am. brush my teeth. sahur. shower. pray. go to work at 6.30am. arrived at the ofc roughly at 7.15am. work till 5 something something. afterwards, it's either went home or broke fast somewhere with mates. arrived home at 10pm. straight to bed. didn't changed to my pj and didn't even took off my lenses & my make-up. bad habit, i know. the dozen newly appeared zits on my face have made me think twice of continuing this nasty routine, hehehe...

back to the subject, i have a lot of pending stuff in my hands. few bills haven't been paid. the breakaway next month haven't been fully planned. baju raya, didn't have time to make a new one. i'll prolly just recycle my grandma's baju, again. i don't mind really. she has a lot of kick-ass, original and cool design clothings. she was a designer back then, when she was younger. she designed most of her attire and sewn some of her own gear. it runs in the blood, by the way hehehe... or maybe, i'll prolly just wear what i have, which i haven't worn during raya. it's such a waste to make a new one, especially for me since i'm NOT a fan of baju kurung, at all! not a pure malay, huh? never have been one, to be honest... guilty! *grin*

*this is what i wore last year: my grandma's classic modern baju kurung ;)

quit

i've quit trying. can't do it anymore. was so miserable. was not comfortable, not a bit. tried so hard but sadly to say i just can't handle this any longer. and i don't want to lie. i've promised to myself that i won't lie anymore. cos by lying i've lost someone that i truly love, the one that i adore with all my heart. it just so unfortunate that this happened. maybe it just not meant to be.

so nway, it felt so good. now i'm not confuse anymore. great, isn't it? *wink*wink*.

friends

friends, they are precious. never take them for granted. no matter what happened, friends are still part of your life. they are always there when you need them. happy or sad moments. friends are the best place for you to share everything. it's true friends come and go. but the memories you share with them remains.

still, there are times where friends can be your enemy. the backstabbers. the cheaters. they can make the worst of you. that's certainly can't be avoided. humans make mistakes. whatever happened, friends are still friends. they can be your worst nightmare. but they gave you the perfect dreams. it's true, isn't it? no matter how cliche it may sounds.

cherish the best moments you have with them. same goes to me. i've been taking friends for granted for quite sometime. i thought being alone is the best idea. it's most definitely not. for the last few weeks, i've started spending a few great quality time with some friends. new and old. it was great. it's the best moments i had since i can remember. i had a good laugh with them. really appreciate the effort. thanks friends.